Xadrian

 I don't want you close. No, not at all. But I do. 

If you are close, I feel safe. But I don't. I feel anxious over the fact that I let you in. It feels like allowing you to see me, see my emotions. And then you have all the keys to hurt me. And people always do, so why I should believe you are not like that too?

So I find an spare key, to hidden door. I find the excuses, I use them. I push you away. Why I feel so empty, when I'm causing it?

I need you. You need answers, something clear. But I feel trapped. Am I trapped? Are there some cage around me that is built by you? It seems like there is.

You see me, actually do. And nothing makes me more anxious than the fact that you do. So I close one more door. Ending up being the one who hurts myself by it.

You never were the problem, I know it. I hope you do too? 

I don't want to be the problem either. The one closing the light, the spotlight. But I do hide from it. I hide from the fact that someone sees me.