My, mine. Not yours.

 Naseria

I stare at the board while teacher tells us all the stuff we need to learn. I don't hear anything what she's saying at this point. I keep on playing with my earrings and think about the phone my teacher had took away.

I can't focus. I feel how my hair feel itchy in my neck. I try putting it up. But my shirt feels like it chokes me at this point too. I correct the placement of it. It's hard to stay still. And my phone is still somewhere where I can't get it, it's my stuff thst is out of my reach. I keep on hearing the clock. I hear how someone moves in theit chair and how someone breathes way too loudly. 

I try to breathe in, and breathe out. Focus, okay? Focus. I keep on saying that to myself, but I can't.

*skip*

Like that wasn't bad enough? Yeah. I come home and someone has touched all my stuff. Visited in my room. And the stuff is not in the right places. Someone has taken my blanket, even my pillow. No,  I can't just take new ones. Those were mine. I can't stand it.

I go to my mom and hold the tears in. "Why my blanket is not in my bed? What else has been taken? Where are them?"

And I get yelled at. How I can't never share anything with my siblings or my mom. I get yelled over again and again. I hate it. But I hate even more the fact that my blanket and pillow wouldn't smell the same when I would get them back. They would smell different. Someone else. And even if I washed those, they would still smell different.

No. I can't do this today. I breathe in.

I have been told to go to my room after I said no to have "family quality time". That shit is the most terrible thing ever. Sleeping in this "sisterbed", meaning in the floor with other, nope. Never. 

I sit in my room. The feeling doesn't go away. I feel so bad. Why people take my stuff without asking? It would be different if they asked? No it wouldn't, but it still would be more nicer than all this.

"I go out. Bye" and I leave right away with my phone and headphones. I always wear those. Even when there is no music playing. It helps me focus out more. Focus on other than my own thoughts.

I go out. I go for a walk. In this flower garden? Arboretum. 

There are people in here, but voices are not as loud as at my home. I have many siblings and they are noisy, among with other stuff such as TV, fridge, clock and others.

I sit to the grass, watching how light touches the water. How it shimmers. How it calms me. And allows me to breathe again. And again. Slowly I start to feel like myself again....