I want to see you

 Manuel

I want something that feels real.

Not promises that weren't kept, not just words that people slip between their lips.

Something, that's not being smoothen out.

I want you to be and come as you are, I want you to see that I am like you too. I'm not whole, I'm broken. There are missing pieces all over me. This shattered mind that I would love to share with you while we sit in the rain after you have cried your eyes out because of the past.

Because in that moment, you are more real to me than in those moments where you share lies telling you are just fine or show the perfect little life all over the internet to other people so they might and could think you are perfect. Look you with the envy in their eyes, hoping that they could have even tiny bit of what you have. But they never could, am I right? Because you don't have any of that either. It's just a scratch on the surface.

Every scartch gets deeper once you keep touching it with knives or needles. The truth needs to be diggen out. 

You might share smiles, but what are the real stories behind them? What made you fake a smile so good that others thought it's a real?

I want what's behind all that.

I want all those nights when you cried to your pillow when you had a fight with your parents.

I want you with all the bruises and broken pieces in your soul and body, that others has left behind in you.

I want you when your heart feels too heavy and mind too blurry.

Bruises heal, bones heal. So you do. You can and you will heal.

The way the others has shattered you, has molded you into something different. Something whole new. And that's okay. You are okay. You are more than just fine. I want you with all that.

Even when you are angry and you throw things, like your phone or a glass on the wall. Even when you shout me in the face, atleast that's something that you would actually feel.

I want to see and feel the happiness and love with you again. See the happy tears in your eyes when you realize that you are not alone at all and things will be just alright.

I want to see and feel your happiness when you receive something you've been so excited to receive. Something you've wanted for so long that it felt just like a dream.

I want to be able to share the days when you feel relieved to be alive or the days when nothing actually feels like anything.

The sun still rises after all the chaos you've been through.

Because I want you to feel safe and wanted just like you are now. Not in a way you would have been, or you could be molded to.

I want you to feel all that, you are allowed to feel.

I'm here, because I've been traveling same kind of path with you. Just different struggles, demons and fights. Different things making me happy and feel loved.

I've been there too. So now I'm here for you just like I would have needed someone to be there for me once.

I want *you*.

Nothing smoothen out, nothing that is so called perfect. Nothing that society has been teaching for us.

I want you as you are.

And I'm here for you as I am.

Shattered, broken in pieces. But still somehow whole enough to be. And that's okay.

Because this way, I can start to feel more. I can finally find the peace.

The more cracks there are, more doors there are open for you my sweetheart.

Sometimes all we need is ourself.

But sometimes we need someone to hold our hand during the long path.